Curing the Monster
by TheWammy'sHouseReject
Summary: The worst monsters aren't the ones we read about in children's books. For Johan, the scariest monster is the man looking back in the mirror. But maybe...just maybe...Doctor Tenma can cure the illness eating away at his fragile heart.
1. Johan

**Okay, so my story with Johan dying sort of fizzled out. So, I'm taking another shot at this, but Johan is alive this time. Enjoy, read and review :)**

**Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring!**

Tenma ran to answer the phone, getting there the second before the answering machine turned on.

"Hello?"

"_Doctor. Tenma? This is Reichwein."_

"Oh? Hi, it's been awhile," Tenma said brightly. "How've you been? I haven't seen you since Johan's trial…"

All the happiness suddenly drained out of him. _Johan…_

"_That's exactly what I was calling you about," _Reichwein said. _"You see, I'm currently in charge of working with Johan in the psychiatric ward. The trouble is, I don't seem to be getting anywhere with him."_

"What do you mean by that?" Tenma asked, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"_I can never get him to talk to me. Whenever I ask him something, he pretends he didn't hear me. As a matter of fact, he is refusing to speak at all."_

"And why are you calling me about this?"

"_Because you seem to know the boy better than anybody else. I'm calling to ask if you could come down here for a bit. At the very least, he should talk to you."_

Tenma felt his heart skip a beat. See Johan again? The very thought of it was enough to freeze his blood.

"…Are you serious?" he asked.

"_Yes, I am. I'm sorry, Doctor, but I'm running out of ideas here, and the boy seems to respect you. Please at least come see him."_

"…Okay. I'll be down as soon as I can."

Tenma hung up the phone, his hands shaking. He stood there for a full minute before picking it up again to call and say that he wouldn't be showing up at the hospital that day. He then showered, dressed, and began the hour-long drive to the mental institution where Johan was being held.

A million images swarmed through his head. The innocent looking ten-year-old boy with a bullet in his head, looking so fragile and weak. Relying on Tenma for his very life.

The nineteen-year-old who murdered one of Tenma's patients in cold blood, before turning to look at him with those ice-cold eyes, his kind, calm smile contrasting with the horrible thing that he had done.

That same young man, looking completely broken when his sister forgave him. His face soon became cold again, as he threatened the life of a child.

…What would he be like now?

Mechanically, Tenma parked his car and turned off the engine. It was too late to go back now.

Walking through doors and metal detectors, Tenma eventually found a very relieved-looking Reichwein.

"Thank you very much for coming," he said. "Johan is in the room right over there."

"Thanks."

Tenma opened the door, unconsciously holding his breath.

He was nothing like Tenma remembered him. He seemed to have lost weight, his cheeks slightly hollow. His blonde hair, which normally would have been neatly combed, was disheveled. He wore the simple blue clothing of the patients at the hospital, instead of the formal suit and tie he usually wore. This man, this _boy, _looked up at Tenma with dead eyes, all life or luster gone, fixing him with a silent stare.

In short, he looked dead.

"Doctor Tenma."

Johan's voice was quiet, barely a whisper. He said the man's name as if it were a fervent prayer.

"You've come."


	2. Hate Me

**To a certain reviewer: This is NOT an Axis Powers Hetalia fic. I've never watched that show before. This is Naoki Urasawa's _Monster. _Thank you XD**

Johan continued to fix Tenma with that unnerving stare.

"I was told you might be here today. I didn't want to believe it. Because you hate me, isn't that right, Doctor?"

Johan might as well have slapped him.

"N-no, Johan. I don't hate you."

"Why not?"

How could he respond to that question?

"_Why not?"_

Tenma's heart froze for a moment. The harsh tone of his voice…Johan was furious, his hands clenched into fists. Johan, who was always so subdued, so soft-spoken…was yelling.

"I have done everything in my power to make you hate me! Everything to make _her _hate me!"

It didn't take a genius to know that Johan was referring to his twin sister, Anna.

"So _why don't you hate me?"_

"Johan…"

Tears were pouring freely down Johan's face. It was probably the single most human thing he had ever seen him do.

"She forgave me, Doctor Tenma…why did she forgive me? Monsters aren't supposed to be forgiven. Monsters are supposed to die. _I _was supposed to die. And you saved me _again. _Why did you save me?"

His voice suddenly became quiet. He let out a choked sob.

"Why?"

_Because you are not a monster, _Tenma thought. Somehow, he was unable to say it out loud.

Johan was shaking with sorrow and anger, his hands tangled in the blankets on his bed.

_Because you are a human being. Because all lives are equal in my eyes. Because, for some reason, I want to help you._

Why couldn't he say it? Those words that Johan so desperately needed to hear. The words that just might help him begin to heal. And yet, Tenma couldn't say them

"…I just couldn't," Was all Tenma could get out. "I just couldn't let you die."

Johan stared at the ground, downhearted.

"I was afraid you'd say something like that," he said. "I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised. After all, what kind of doctor would you be if you didn't at least attempt to save me, am I correct?"

Tenma couldn't bring himself to break his stunned silence.

He pulled a small leather-bound notebook out from his pillowcase.

"You wanted to get inside my head so badly, Doctor? Well, here is your chance. Read this, and I think you'll understand. And if you don't hate me after you've finished it, then there is no point in me trying to force you to despise me."

He held the notebook out towards Tenma, waiting for him to take it, never once taking his eyes off of Tenma's face.

Tenma finally took it out of Johan's hand.

"I have never shown this to anybody before. I have kept it hidden ever since I escaped from the hospital. It is my journal."

He gave one of his hollow smiles.

"Excuse me, but it's time for you to leave, Doctor Tenma."

"Goodbye, Doctor Tenma. I trust you will be visiting again."

XxXx

_The Monster woke up again. He made me kill two girls that I saw walking to school. I don't remember how I did it. But after they were dead, I saw police officers walking in my direction. I was scared. I ran away. _

_I don't know what to do. Anna is gone. I feel so lonely. There's nothing to stop the Monster from waking up and killing whenever he wants now. He's angry with me for keeping it down for so long. He made me kill the Lieberts, and he wanted me to kill Anna, but I wouldn't let him. _

_I'm scared._

Tenma sighed, turning to the next page.

_It's our twelfth birthday today. I wish Anna were here. I want her here._

_I want **her. **_

_When I'm with her, it's easier for me to keep the monster asleep. When I'm with her, I feel better. I don't feel so alone._

_She ran away from me. She ran away. All I could do was let her go. She didn't even remember who I was._

_I wish that I could forget. Forget everything except Anna. _

_She's the only memory worth keeping._

**Review?**


	3. Nightmares of Kinderheim

WARNING: References to rape in the nightmare. Nothing graphic though.

_This chapter rambles randomly from topic to topic. I tried to capture Johan's shattered mental state with this writing style._

**XxXxx**

Tenma.

Kenzou Tenma.

Kenzou _Motherfucking _Tenma.

Johan gave a bitter smile at the profanity, stretching out like a cat on his narrow hospital bed.

His room was dark, seeming to compress him from all sides.

They had somehow neglected to give him his medication that night- the strange little white pills that forced Johan into an inky blackness, his nightmares suppressed by whatever they were made of.

They had forgotten to give it to him.

(So that meant no sleep for Johan.)

He sure as Hell wasn't going to risk falling asleep and waking up screaming. He did that sometimes.

…Okay, he did that a _lot. _So much so that they had given him the God damned medicine in the first place. As if that could cure him. As if that could somehow miraculously transform him into a better person.

(He was a monster. Those people at the Kinderheim had told him so.)

But Tenma…Tenma didn't seem to think so. It was hard for Johan to tell.

He had come to visit him. Why? _Why? _Johan had fretted and agonized about this for hours. Johan had hurt Tenma, _taken _from him- his happiness, his reputation-_everything- _and yet…he came.

_He came._

_"I couldn't just let you die."_

The man puzzled, intrigued and infuriated Johan to no end. He had saved him, _helped _him. Saved his life _again. Why?_

He remembered the faces that Tenma had made when he was upset at Johan for shooting his patient. He had gone home and practiced making those expressions in the bathroom mirror, trying to feel some of what Tenma may have felt.

It didn't work.

It never did.

He still felt just as empty as ever.

(Anna shot him. Anna _shot _him. He knew she would; he had asked her to do it. And yet, he was still shocked by it.)

"Damn," Johan cursed under his breath. Of all times, why did he have to pick _now _to get his feelings back? Those emotions…he thought he had hidden them. Locked them away deep inside his heart (…to protect them from the monster.)

If the monster found them, found his feelings, it would eat them. Crush them and tear them apart until there was nothing left.

Until Johan was nothing at all.

(Tenma saved me. I should have died…)

In an uncharacteristic fit of rage, Johan rolled over and punched the wall (the only solid thing left in the room). He wanted to punch a hole in it, to break it down like the Magnificent Steiner always did. All he succeeded in doing was hurting his fist.

He fell against the pillow again, sighing deeply.

(It was _tiring _feeling this much emotion.)

Thick lashes fluttered over blue eyes, despite all efforts to keep them open.

What time was it? Midnight? Later? There was no clock in this little room.

(No mirrors either- Johan hated mirrors. No, there hadn't been a mirror in this room since the first day, when he had punched it out in a blind rage. The scars on his knuckles were proof to that.)

Rage overtook him every time they didn't pump him full of antipsychotics and sedatives, but those made him tired and took away his appetite. (Feeling as sick physically as he was mentally.) When he wasn't angry, he was crying. When he wasn't crying, he was numb.

Oh, so very numb.

Reichwein was too kind; trying to shine some light into his dark, dark mind. (Johan hasn't seen light for so very long.) Trying to pry into Johan's mind, trying to find what was wrong. What was broken.

(Little does he know that _everything _is broken.)

Johan fights, but he falls asleep despite his efforts.

_Screaming_

_Screaming_

_Cutting _

_Bleeding_

_Killing _

_Burning_

_Crying_

_Dying_

**_"No, stop it! Don't touch me there! Stop, I don't like this!"_**

**_"Don't touch it! Ow! Don't!"_**

**_"…Please…stop…"_**

_No heed to his words. Shattering innocence. Stealing chastity._

_When they are through with him, he is left next to the broken bodies of three other boys. Two of them are dead. One is unconscious, but he is breathing shallowly. _

_Johan feels blood between his thighs. He draws in on himself, fighting back tears._

He wakes up screaming (just like he knew he would.)

They give him medication. It numbs his body, sending him into that cool blackness where no nightmare can touch him.

(It's as close as he can get to dying for now.)

**XxXxx**

Reviews are loved :D:D


End file.
